You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
