Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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