and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
