i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
