i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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