Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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