My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
