I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
