There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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