Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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