It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Randomize
