My boss' voice literally gives me gas
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
