how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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