also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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