The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
