If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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