somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
