I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you would pick up someone in the library
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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