Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
