butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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