is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
