Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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