chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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