I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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