im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
