My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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