Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
