that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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