why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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