I think I died a long time ago.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
