I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
