He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
