The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
