you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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