Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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