Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
