my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
