Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
