you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
