dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
