Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
