So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
