you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
