The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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