She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When are your genitals available?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
