bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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