walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
