Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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