Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
