instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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