my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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