Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
