There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My vagina just clenched in fear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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