Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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