so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
