Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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