we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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