He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
