Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
