If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Even my vagina gasped.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
