I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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