My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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