he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
