So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
