3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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