Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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