party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
