I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
