Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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