There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
